The Importance of Mindfulness//Humility

These past few months, I've reflected very little on my own personal growth in this blog. Certainly much less than I did while in Berlin, where my stable, slow life was scattered with understated lessons- the importance of home cooking, lazy days, conversations- I shared snapshots of my life that touched me, that taught me something.

Part of my hesitancy here has been the variety of my readers. Although I've enjoyed sharing my blog with co workers and new friends in Skopje, their presence in my audience has definitely impacted the depth in which I go into experiences here. Not to say that I have been dishonest in my feelings or untrue to the purpose of my blog, but both have been affected by potential interpretations of my observations.

I needed to write that for my own peace of mind and although this next part is related, it may not seem to be. Bare with me, it's late. Besides, blame my upbringing as the daughter of a therapist, type A personality, or identity as a Sullivan, I'm in a sharing mood...

THE IMPORTANCE OF MINDFULNESS
I think my mother/our buddhist gathering growing up had it right. Mediation, reflection, and breathing truly are the keys to a good life. Not only a good life, but also a productive and fulfilling one.

In the past few years, I have become incredibly self-critical. At times, its manifestation is negative-- sending me into an overly anal state of self-deprecation about most of my physical, emotional, mental capacities. I become sloth like and withdrawn- blaming myself and others for uncontrollable circumstances. During a good time, however, my intensity allows me to be self aware of my positive qualities and identify areas of strength and of needed improvement. It is in this latter state that I find myself now: intentionally in a state of reflection and re-evaluation as I enter a new chapter of my life (or multiple new chapters- seattle/alaska/post-grad). Perhaps the fact that I am now able to slow down and talk about these emotional experiences comes from a new found maturity or the simple opportunity when removed from my native environment, or a blog audience to virtually bounce ideas off of. In any case, it has improved the way I interact and the way I evaluate situations. As I shared last week, I can now see different perspectives and put myself in others' shoes- obviously not always crossing ethnic barriers, rather dropping my own self-righteousness for the sake of friendship or peace or communication in general. Even when others aren't willing to do so. I cannot say that I always act like this or that I don't lash out at times and become defensive, but I now understand the lack of validity or productiveness in those confrontations. I see that true confidence is found not through falsified ego-inflation (attainable short term through staunchly defending ones opinion and self-affirmation), but through long term reflection, discernment... and therapy.

It is also through the invaluable quality of admitting when one is wrong. The more experiences I have in life, the more I recognize the importance of being humble. This goes along with mindfulness, as I think it is very difficult to be a thoughtful arrogant individual. And obviously, humbleness (is this even a word?)... humility is a sign of true confidence and stability, as it suggests a lack of need for material recognition, but rather internal affirmation.


Ok. I'm going in circles. Mindfulness=good. Humility=good. Self-reflection=gooooood.

Goals for these next months as I get back to Seattle:
1. Be Mindful. Take time to reflect. Take time to evaluate. Keep values/goals in mind.
2. Be Humble. Listen without ulterior motives/ waiting for the chance to speak.
3. Be Simple. Clear unneeded clutter.

I would love to hear your feedback. Shoot me an email, or make a coffee date when I arrive where ever it is you live. I thrive in conversation and dialogue, and, as you can see, reflection on ones' own is only productive for the length of a circle...

Thanks for listening.
In love and in peace,
Tess